for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
