We're facebook friends in real life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
