New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
