i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
