So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
