I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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