put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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