We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
