So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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