Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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