okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
