Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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