I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
