So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
