but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
