I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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