While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
