And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
