tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
