...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want nice things and good sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
