why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
