That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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