Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
