so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
