I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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