She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
