thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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