After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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