Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
