did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
