I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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