david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
