You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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