I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
high people should be assigned attendants
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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