I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
