On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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