NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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