So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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