this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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