Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
