I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
