You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
