She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Mom said you looked used
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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