Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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