Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
