Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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