I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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