shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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