I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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