idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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