martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just puked most of my soul out..
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