Me too!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
