My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
