Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
