just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
