I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
