And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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