Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
