Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
