how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
