if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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