Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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