Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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