Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
