Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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