There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
two words...techno handjob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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