I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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