My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
