he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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