in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you will always have a special place in my vag
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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