You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I love having hate sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
MIDGETS
????
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
