Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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