but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
