Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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