Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
