I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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