I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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