Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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