I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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