I could make wine with my vomit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
