sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
