i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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