I wanna bring you to show and tell
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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