Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
