every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
