The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
