you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
