just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
