he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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