Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
