having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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